Wednesday, May 28, 2008

The Golf Rant

It does seem like I am complaining an awful lot lately-but if something is bugging me I am going to write about it and try to sort out my brain. Sorry to my husband in advance.

Here goes…
This Saturday is Eliza’s last swim class. Although I could take her alone, it is much easier with two people. It makes getting in and out of the pool easier, drying off and changing easier etc. In my silly little head I figure my husband would want to be there for Eliza’s last class. I don’t know why I would think this. Maybe because I care about my family and want to do things together. Maybe because I enjoy our time together. Maybe because we barely see him all week and that is our designated family time. Like I said I must be silly to think all of these things because apparently my husband does not share my feelings. I guess when men are made their brains are just formatted differently. I always tell my husband that I am a “we” person. I think it terms of “we”. For example, “What are WE going to do this weekend?” My husband is an “I” person- as in “What am “I” going to do this weekend?”

The original plan was that we would go to swim and then do things around the house. Ok, well that was my original plan. Silly mommy! Daddy’s plan was he would go to swim and then go golf for four hours while mommy watches Eliza and does everything around the house. Notice the WE and I difference in our plans. So yesterday I get an e-mail from my husband that goes something like this.

The e-mail starts out all sweet and nice telling me he is going to have a maid service come and do an estimate at our place. He knows I am stressed about the mess. However, the maid service is not going to straighten up our place (as my husband kindly reminded me this past weekend)- so now I basically have to bust my hump cleaning everything so the maid service doesn’t think we are total pigs. Granted this is my husband’s idea of buttering me up for the second part of his e-mail.

Here is the second part of the e-mail, which may not seem bad to you but it really burned me up. He asks if I can get Dana to come up and go to swim class with me on Saturday. Why? In his own words, “because they gave me a tee time of 8:40 am for the tournament this weekend. I requested a later tee time, but they didn't give it to me.” Oh, the mean man at the golf course gave him and early tee time and now he gets to golf instead of spend time with us. He did say he would see if they could push back his tee time but I know my husband and that was a lot of lip service so I wouldn’t get too mad.

So YES I am upset. My husband works late almost every night and we barely get to see him. On weekends he would have no qualms spending 8-10 hours at the golf course. The only reason he doesn’t is because I loudly voice my feelings against him playing two days a week. I just don’t get this mentality. I would never voluntarily spend that much time away from him and Eliza. He always says I can- but seriously- what the heck would I even do? Anything I want to do, I want to do with my husband. I have decided this makes me a big idiot- because the feeling is not reciprocated.

Ok I am done ranting. Do I feel better? No, not really. Oh well.

16 comments:

Future Mom (Heather) said...

i think you would be totally right here (us girls gotta stick together haha). i would totally come with you to swim again but i have owen saturday morning...i have a better idea-how about blow off swim class & come over for a play date!!!!!!

i also has a maid service estimate a few weeks ago & cleaned the house totally before they came over. the woman would have thought it was a total pig sty if i would have left it the way it was. still wondering why they gave me such a high price LOL

come over on saturday it will be so fun :)

Anonymous said...

Bless your heart! Your husband should count his blessings. Even with the rant--your love for him and your family still shines through. I too have a husband that doesn't get it. So from one Mom to another hang in there.

Pam said...

I'm with you on this one. I get mad at my hubby for not being around. I am actually glad to know I am not the only one who feels this way. He keeps telling me this is how it is and I should be glad he helps as much as he does.....oh yes- one diaper in a thousand, that is SO helpful! I'm glad you let yourself rant. It is healthy and so much cheaper then therapy ;)

Lori said...

That is hard. I've dealt with similar things with my hubby when Blake was younger. We've learned to compromise because I also realize that he needs that time away too (my hubby mountain bikes so it isn't as long of a day). I would talk to him about maybe doing 9 holes every other week or something on that idea so it's not like you never get to go, but you need to limit how much you do go

Anonymous said...

god what and ass@7&!!!!

Mommy Mechanics said...

Jeeze that last commentor was a little harsh lol. I get upset about this too. Funny cause my husband tries to do the same thing, he grabs a friend of mine and volunteers them to fill in for him thinking that I will be less mad or just to take the guilt off of him.

Erin said...

i think this will always be the eternal argument. men just don't see things the way we do. and that sure does make life tough. i feel bad if i ask hubby to not do something because he works and i don't. but in the back of my mind i am wondering why he would rather do something away from the home than with us. i guess the right answer depends on the couple. good luck!!

Christy said...

Damn stupid husbands! My husband comes home late almost every night too. And he is always going out of town, without complaining to his boss. It pisses me off.

I completely understand how you feel.

Marmarbug said...

Yeah I know EXACTLY how you feel. Men are SO different from us. I would feel so GUILTY leaving hubby alone like that, apparently he does not share the same view. Sad but true. so I know how you feel.

Dana said...

I would be upset too!!
you have every right to be angry... You just want to spend time with him and Eliza as a family - I get it.. Besides - you work and take care of the baby - when do you get time for yourself!! Geez...
Sorry Pete!

Jenn said...

Holy crap maybe mine and yours are twins ! Mine doesn't get home till around 6:30 or 7 and he leaves at 7:30 am everyday and then he works for sat mornings too and he gets up on sun mornings and has to make work calls from home then he runs to golf and comes back 4-5 hours later, we always have such a fun weekend ! NOT !!

Momma On The Go said...

Ahhhhh golf, fishing, snowboarding, hunting. Did I forget anything? Oh yeah starting a new biz! Justin does have the tendency to do the same thing but I have to admit he has gotten much better since Madison has gotten older. I think he feels like she is easier or more fun to interact and do stuff with now. Hope the same thing works for you.

Momma On The Go said...

Oh yeah I forgot to add that I'm a landscaping widow this weekend if you are up for hanging out.

Sheri said...

Oh girl, I totally am with you. We never see Michael. He leaves at 7 and gets home at 10. Last night he didn't get home until 1:30 am. I lost count how many times I have called him a self centered ass this week. He is constantly commenting on how he is tired because he has a job. Like what I am doing all day isn't. It really makes me resent him.
It is obviously a man thing from the other comments. You are definitly not alone on this one!

lamamanaturale said...

I TOTALLY feel ya! OMG- Just as I was reading your post- my husband asked me if he could go rope horses tonight!!! I thought it was a rather funny coincidence. It would upset me too- your feelings are legitimate...you only get this precious time once...maybe you can gently remind.

Al'sBigMomma said...

Hi Danielle!!! OH MY GOD.....THIS IS MY LIFE!!!!!! I read your blog to my husband aloud, just so he can see I am not a lunatic as he'd like to think. You totally hit a nerve within me! I must tell you that as much as I look forward to the warm weather, sunny days, and the sun going down late in to the evening, these changes unfortunately signal the arrival of GOLF season. I have complained about the same stuff time and time again to my husband, who is telling me not to get sore knuckles as I type. Why can't men understand that us complaining about them taking off and leaving us with all the unpleasantness doesn't mean that we want to escape our homes and children and them ourselves. It just means that we want a little q.T and a friend, and companionship, and a partnership. Just putting a little wishfulness out there for all moms like us!

ps- Bless my cleaning lady...otherwise I'd be arguing over cleaning the house! Best $60 I spend!