My Heart Stopped

The first portion of this post was written yesterday morning...the second half was written today.

After about 10 hours alone with Eliza I start feeling like the Hulk. Like most toddlers Eliza can push and push and push and PUSH! On the weekends when my husband and I can take a breather it is much easier to be a good parent. During the week I often feel like I can't get away to take that breather I need. I start getting angry and frustrated with her and it turn become upset with myself.

Eliza is a high spirited energetic child with LOTS and LOTS of personalty. I love this about her and it drives me nuts at the same time. I know so many of her personality traits are strong and positive- or at least they will be when she is an adult. It is so frustrating to want your child to be strong willed but not want her to be strong willed against you. I want her to be persistent-just not persistent about not putting a diaper on every single time.

I do not believe in giving time out- except for mommy. I strongly believe that to discipline is to teach and not to punish. We live in a country where discipline is often synonymous with punishment and in my experiences as a teacher and as a parent punishment does nothing. If a child DOES respond well to time out- something much gentler would also have worked. The truth is-punishment wouldn't help Eliza anyway. I would basically have to sit on her to get her to stay in one spot anyone. I obviously have strong feelings against time out. I think it isolates children and doesn't teach them anything. I truly believe there is always a better way than to punish. Finding ways to parent a spirited child has been a challenge.

So that is what I wrote yesterday morning...and here is today

Yesterday was not a good day for us. I took the kids out to play in the morning. I had Jude in the double stroller using the car seat attachment. Eliza didn't want to ride so she was playing at the playground. For the most part she was listening but she of course she was being Eliza. We ended up playing with two little girls from a cross the street- or development.

Jude woke up and it was almost lunch time so we started to head inside. The little girls crossed the street/parking lot to go home and we were walking towards our door when Eliza decided to bolt out into the road towards the girls. Now, like I said it is more of a parking lot than a street but cars do come flying in all the time. I assume i was acting on reflex or instinct and ran out to grab Eliza. It was only in that moment I realized I did not hit the foot brake on the stroller. As I turned around I saw the stroller moving quickly down the sidewalk, down the curb and onto it's side with Jude strapped in the car seat. I think my heart stopped when I realized what I had done. When I saw that there was no way I could get to the stroller in time-even though I tried.

Everyone ran over to the stroller and I unbuckled the now screaming Jude. What happened after is a blur but we somehow got everyone upstairs. I called my husband and he called his mom to come over. I started nursing Jude to try and calm him down. Everyone was visibly upset and I was borderline hysterical. I called the pediatrician and they said that I should observe him for the next couple hours.

I have tears in my eyes every time time I picture it in my head. I really don't know how I could have been so careless. I don't know what would have happened if I hadn't had him strapped securely into his care seat. I don't want to know. Luckily, shortly after the incident he was his normal smiley happy self. We continued to observe him for the rest of the day and thankfully he is OK.

This is one of the reasons I avoid taking the kids out alone. Eliza is unpredictable. She KNOWS she isn't supposed to run into the street. It isn't like we let her play in the parking lot. I have been reinforcing this rule since she was able to walk. She is a very smart little girl. However, a 2 year old has no concept of danger or what could possible happen as a result of her running out into the road. She wouldn't sit in the stroller yesterday and would throw a tantrum or go limp if i tried to hold her hand. Like I said, she is strong willed. She was very upset about what happened to . She told me that she ran in the street and Jude fell over in the BOB in his car seat. Will this incident prevent her from doing it again? I doubt it.

Ultimately it was my error that resulted in the accident. I know accidents happen but I feel horrible. I am just so happy Jude is OK. I think it will probably be a while before I take both kids outside alone.