I've been accused

of complaining too much. Seriously, is that even possible?

My husband decided to keep a tally of my complaints. He then was gives me averages. Why oh why did I marry a numbers man. I say I am not complaining but after looking at the definition of complain I think I am guilty as charged.


com⋅plain   /kəmˈpleɪn/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [kuhm-pleyn] Show IPA Pronunciation

–verb (used without object) 1. to express dissatisfaction, pain, uneasiness, censure, resentment, or grief; find fault: He complained constantly about the noise in the corridor.
2. to tell of one's pains, ailments, etc.: to complain of a backache.
3. to make a formal accusation: If you think you've been swindled, complain to the police.

Let me give you an example. When I woke up this morning I commented (not complained) that we need to turn the space heater down at night. I might have mentioned that the inside of my nose was dry as a bone, my lips were chapped and my throat was dry. I was merely backing up my assertion that the heater was too high; I was not complaining.

My husband said I was complaining.

Later on I may have muttered something about being crampy under my breath. Darn. Complaint number two. I said it didn't count if I was talking to myself under my breath.

I then suggested I wanted all of my complaints reviewed by a complaint department to see if they actually were in fact valid complaints. You see what I sometimes consider conversation my husband considers complaining. I am sorry if I like to chit chat about what ails me. I am sorry that I am often cold, hot, tired, cranky, stressed bored, ill etc! I don't excel at many things but I am really good st complaining, I like to think of it as an art form that I have mastered. If I could get paid to bitch and moan I would be rich.

Did I complain when my car battery was dead this morning? NO! Now someone did complain and bitch about doing manual labor in the cold while someone else watched out the window- but it wasn't me.

The way I see it I am going to have to either A) stop talking to my husband or B) sensor everything that comes out of my mouth before it leaves me mouth C) Move into a nursing home where the people complain as much as I do.

None of these options appeals to me in the least. I am being picked on and it stinks; Not that I am complaining or anything!