Thursday, April 10, 2008

How do you know it is time?

What is the best time to have a 2nd baby?

Lately my husband and I have been having discussions over when to start trying again for another baby. I know many experts advice waiting until your first born is two and other say to wait until three. However, I know many people who are less than two years apart.

Spacing Babies: What's the Ideal Interval Between Pregnancies?
How to decide what's best for you, your body, and your family


According to a study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, published in the February 25, 1999, issue of the New England Journal of Medicine, the recommended interval between pregnancies is 18 to 23 months. Those who became pregnant within six months of giving birth had a 30 to 40 percent greater chance of delivering a premature baby or a child small in size. The risks also increased significantly for mothers who waited 10 years. These women were twice as likely to have undersized babies and had a 50 percent greater chance of delivering prematurely. The study examined 173,205 births in Utah from 1989 to 1996, with the majority of mothers being white. The results may not be the same for minorities or for high-risk pregnancies. A second study to account for this deficiency is currently underway.


There are many things to factor in when making this decision: Money, time, work, sanity, etc! I know I want more than one child and I don't want to wait forever to have another baby. My body is getting older by the minute and it will not bounce back as well as the years pass. Also, part of me wants to get all the diapering and bottles out of the way at once. I would hate to start all over again.

My brother and I were about 8 years apart. My husband and his two siblings were much closer in age. I guess I would have liked to have a brother or sister closer to my own age. Or it might have been a nightmare. Who knows!

I took the, "Are you ready for another baby?" quiz at babyzone. My results said.

Well, what are you waiting for? You're clearly ready to add to your family if you've determined you've got the energy, the money, and the patience it takes! Good luck, and happy baby-making!

Obviously there are no right or wrong answer where this is concerned- just lots of opinions. I always thought I would definitely wait two years before tyring again-but now that Eliza is here I am not so sure. I did have a hard time after the delivery and was out of sorts for about 6 weeks. I had a horrific time with breast feeding and Eliza has been challenging at times. However, none of that has really made me want to wait.

What are your thoughts on the situation?

12 comments:

Pam said...

My kids are 3 years apart. I thought that would be a great spacing because I am not really good at the newborn stage and just could not imagine taking care of two kids who were both so small. But I quickly learned just how hard it is to go back to diapers and bottles and not sleeping, etc. It was hard at times too because Ashlyn wanted to paint or do things that bigger kids do and I was either too tired or busy with the baby. So if I had to do it over again, I would not wait 3 years. Or maybe I would. Who knows! I am not help here. I think that there is no right answer- it is what is best for your family. I think they say in terms of your own body- it is best to give it a year but, as we know, these bodies of ours are not the same anyway and will never go back to be unstretched skin and flat, fold into your bra boobs.

By the way- I had a terrible time with breastfeeding Ashlyn and with Riley- it went much better, milk flowing out all over the place, and have made it to a year. So...I think that it can be different with each baby.

Lori said...

Well as you can tell my two will be 18 months apart. We factored in a lot of things, but my biggest thing was I wanted them to be close in age so they grew up more as friends than anything. Plus I figure if I am in the mode of changing diapers why not continue. And there is the whole thing of for the most part Blake won't remember a time when there wasn't a sibling.

I think it is a personal decision!

Future Mom said...

This is totally a personal decision and everyone needs to decide for themselves when it is the right time but since you asked my opinion, here it is...

I think that 2.5 - 3 years between kids is a good amount of time. They will still be close in age but I think it makes it easier to have a semi independent child that doesn't need help with something every 2 seconds when you have a newborn. I know 2 people who have had two babies within a year (WOAH) and it is totally nuts to me, i feel like it is worse than having twins! I would like the first one out of the babyish phase before bringing another one into the mix.

Obviously you & Pete need to agree which is the first step...I have been ready to have a baby for ever but if the other person isn't on board it's not gonna happen. Also keep in mind that he works long hours so it will be you alone with these 2 babies and if you can do it then more power to ya because I totally could not.

Also 2 babies means double the day care bill, double the diapers, etc...

On one hand-Eliza is still so young so enjoy her growing up and all of the phases she will go through without another baby taking all of your attention. But on the other hand-you guys make great babies so I can't wait to see the next one whenever he/she comes!

And if you don't want to hold off for a while and get pregnant with me I will have to start working on getting Erika to do it LOL!

Christy said...

I got pregnant with Izzy when Porgie was 8 months old. They are 17 months apart.

At first, I was completely overwhelmed, but everyday gets easier. I love the fact that Porgie will never remember a time without Izzy. I think they will be great playmates in another 6 months!

Missy said...

My two are 2 years, 4 months apart, which has worked out perfectly for us. My daughter was old enough to be fairly independent when her brother was born, she seemed to vaguely understand what was going on, and she loved her brother to pieces - and still does 1 1/2 years later. She was also a big help since she was old enough to understand simple directions, and if I was busy with the baby, I could tell her that I could help her in a minute and she was patient enough to wait. We also did not have ANY problems with jealousy, which was a big concern of mine, I think because she was still young enough to fully understand what was happening.
We are now planning on Baby #3 now that my son is 18 months old, so that they will have approximately the same age gap, and hopefully everything will work out so well this time. Good luck!

adiaspeer said...

hi. (new hear btw) my kids are 2 days shy of being exactly 2 years apart. we wanted our kids to be close in age since we were spaced out from our siblings. i wasn't sure it was a good idea at first because like you we had a rough start with #1 (she was hospitalized her second week of life and we had major breastfeeding difficluties). having two close in age is definitly challenging, you'll need lots of help in the early months but now that my son is 9 months old it's a breeze. it helps that my son is the easiest and sweetest baby in the world... but maybe you'll get lucky :o)

Rebecka said...

If you're ready. Do it.
My kids are about 3.5 years apart. It was definately difficult at the begining. I'm finally gettng used to have a toddler and a newborn. It does get difficult as pam said.. Abbie often wants me to play babies with her. Most times I can't.. It's hard to do trying to care for a newborn and play with her. If I could go back and do it over again, I probably would have started trying around 4-6 months.

I'm still haveing some problems here and there with depression and stuff. I cry every now and then because of stupid stuff.

I didn't breastfeed. I didn't want to. I did, but I didn't. I was scared of the cracked nipples, and whatever. I admit it, I'm a baby. I played rough contact sports in high school, but i could handle that. I couldn't handle a baby sucking my boob. And, I like my boobs. haha.

But, do what you want. Their is no right or wrong.

Mommy Mechanics said...

My boys are exactly 3 1/2 years apart and I know for me I am very happy they weren't any closer together. It probably varies so much from kid to kid maturity wise. Anyways my soon to be 4 year old is a big help and is right at the age where he listens(most of the time) and can do most things for himself. For me it has worked out perfect, but I think families just know when the time is right!

Marcy said...

I still get mild panic attacks when thinking of having another baby. lol I guess this one's just so overwhelming at times, I cannot imagine having this workload AND dealing with an older child. But I know we eventually will have another baby (or 2?) so one day we'll get there. I have no interest in having a second until D's at least 2 yrs old, though. I want him to be more independent before adding a 2nd child to the mix. My siblings and I were all 3-4 yrs apart, and my hubby's brother is 6 yrs younger, and they're as close as 2 brothers can be. People say age difference plays such a huge factor, but I think it has more to do with the people involved. I;ve heard of siblings 2 yrs apart who were best friends, and hateful enemies, and the same about bigger age gaps.

Momma On The Go said...

If you feel like you are ready and can get Pete to agree that is all that matters! For me it was spacing Madiosn & baby #2 about 3 1/2 years apart but it varies for others. Besides I want to see your tiny, little self pushing a tandem stroller! Ha! Ha! FYI I took your quiz and it said I was ready for my next baby. That's probably a good thing.

aunt amber said...

I'm ready for another niece or nephew!! lol . . .

Amber said...

Thanks for sharing this info...I've thought a lot about this..DH is an old man at 36...he wants to wait a bit though...