Wednesday, February 4, 2009

I am melting quicker than snow...

Last night I had a mini meltdown...

It was about 7:20 when I got the text saying the hubs wouldn't be home until 8:00. That is thirty minutes later then normal.

I don't know what is was: my hormones, being inside for 72 hours straight, Eliza's frequent meltdowns, the knowledge that this is only the beginning of my husband's busy season.Whatever the reason, I just started crying. I just sat on the rug, stacked blocks with E and cried. and I just kept thinking 13 hours is just too long to be alone every day.

Hubs walked in at eight to find me a blubbering mess. Then I got more upset because I didn't want him to interpret my feelings incorrectly. I don't want him to think I am not happy staying home with Eliza. I am so happy to be home with her. I am just lonely a lot of the time. and you know how men are...problem solvers. He wants to solve my problem and I just don't see an easy solution.

I have a theory. I have shared it with my husband numerous times. I think it is unnatural to be alone, isolated from other humans all day-especially when caring for children. And here we are hidden away in our houses all going crazy. The winter is especially hard for me. I am not joking when I say I am seriously close to talking to inanimate objects.


I feel weak. I feel like I should be able to handle this without going crazy. It really makes me feel inadequate. I know that other moms are doing the same thing without the tears.

So why am I the only one talking to my toaster?

10 comments:

La Mama Naturale' said...

I love that you always find humor in posts like this. That's gotta be rough. 13 hrs. is a long time to be with a toddler. Especially, during winter like you said- longer days and such. Does the weather permit you to join mommy groups and have outings with them? I feel for ya. Hang in there. :)

Becoming said...

It's ok if you talk to the toaster. You don't really have to worry until it starts taking back.


Mine is named Wilson

Jes

Christy said...

I used to feel this way too - especially when Porgie was little. I do a few things to make myself feel better.

1. I always call a friend or family member in the morning. And I really talk - sometimes for up to an hour!

2. We always go somewhere after naptime - Target, Shop Rite, Goodwill, a friend's house, the children's museum, etc. Just get out of the house! I actually stagger buying things we need, just to have an excuse to go back to the store at the end of the week. (For example, I could buy 6 containers of Soymilk to last the whole week, but I only buy 3. That way I HAVE to go back to the store). It saves my sanity. You should try it.

Just remember that spring is right around the corner, and then you can start taking her for walks to the park:)

Erin said...

I feel the same way. Thou Hubby isn't gone quite that long. I feel for you. I am a people person, I need to be around them and talk to them. But, that is hard to do with a lil one.
One thing that really helps me? Texting...I know it sounds odd but I at least have some kind of connection with people then. Lucky my BFF has her own office so we "talk" a lot during the day. Just make sure you have a plan that can support it!
Spring is soon here! I have been known on very sunny days, as long as it is in the 40s, I will bundle N up and at least go for a walk.
Hang in there...

Lori said...

I could have written this post. my hubby has been working long hours since before Thanksgiving and it isn't slowing down soon. I feel like I'm crawling the walls some days and that is often the days you get the call/e-mail whatever that says I'm going to be even later tonight.

hope you find an outlet soon

MoziEsmé said...

You're not alone!

Anonymous said...

You are not alone. Please know that there are lots of "us" out there and that you are doing a wonderful job!!!
~Jessica

half pint pixie said...

To echo other folk, you are not alone. It doesn't make the days any easier but it helps a little to think that you are not the only mum & toddler sitting cooped up in their house during the winter. I am going stir crazy these days!

You are so right, it's not natural to spend these years alone, and it is such a recent phenomenon. If you even think back to when we were babies being a SAHM was a much more community based thing, I know where we lived all the mums spent the days in and out of each other's houses visiting & helping each other. No more it seems :(

Pierrette said...

You are not alone, I find if I don't get out every day to do at least one thing, I feel the same way. We have 2 weekly playdates, yoga on Mondays and the drop in center the other day. That only leaves one day and I always make sure I get out somewheres.

Marcy said...

I'm often at home with D for 10-12 hours, too. I don't know how you moms in really cold weather do it-- I dislike taking D anywhere when it's just raining, and reading blog posts like this one (and yes I think your feelings are TOTALLY NORMAL) make me so so so glad to live somewhere with such a mild winter, where I don't have to worry about snow and ice and so taking D out on a winter day means little more than throwing on a jacket and maybe bringing an umbrella.

I guess this might be one of those times when even though the effort to get ready and go somewhere seems huge, it'll be worth it. Do you have other SAH moms nearby to do playdates with? Indoor playgrounds to go to? Even just the mall to walk around? You might catch an extra cold or 2 but it might be worth your sanity...