The ups and downs...

Today has been such a day of ups and down for me. It was my last day at school. The last day ever at the school where I have worked for 5 years. Leaving was not easy. I had a Mary Tyler Moore moment as I took one last lingering glance at my classroom before I walked out the door.

I was sad to see the kids go. I was sad thinking about the colleagues I wouldn't see everyday. At the same time I felt sweet relief that I would not have to live at my mom's any more during the week. I felt happiness knowing I would get to spend each day with my beautiful daughter. I felt up and I felt down.

Deciding to become a SAHM is not an easy decision. I will actually need to be more of a WAHM- but I haven't quite figured out the working part yet. I see why so many moms are torn about the decision. As a teacher I was somewhat defined my accomplishments. I experienced joy as I witnessed students learning to read and write. I was emblazoned by positive observations and invigorated by new teaching techniques and ideas. I am saying good bye to all of that for now to do the greatest work of all- raise my daughter.

Like I said. It was a day of ups and downs for me. I had to pack the last of my teaching things into the car and bring them to my mom's. Then I had to unload them so I could load everything I needed to take home with me. I was hot, tired, and emotional. I think the packing process in itself was stressing me out. It all seemed so real when I saw my teaching stuff heaped into a big disorganized pile. I basically threw it all together and hauled it on out of the school telling myself I would sit and go through it later. I am thinking that later might never come. The last thing I feel like doing right now is organizing old copies of Teacher's Helper and math manipulatives.

I am looking forward to the summer, but in the back of my head I wonder what I'll be feeling when September rounds the corner. Will I experience a longing in my heart when the leaves start to change colors and apples adorn the trees? Will part of me ache as I stroll past the school yard and hear the sound of children laughing? I want more than anything to stay home with my baby girl. I also would love to continue teaching. I know there is no right answer. There is only the best answer for me at this time and that is to put teaching off for a few years and enjoy the fleeting years of Eliza's childhood.

This is the official start of summer for me and I would like to wish everyone a healthy and happy summer!