Tuesday, June 24, 2008

The ups and downs...

Today has been such a day of ups and down for me. It was my last day at school. The last day ever at the school where I have worked for 5 years. Leaving was not easy. I had a Mary Tyler Moore moment as I took one last lingering glance at my classroom before I walked out the door.

I was sad to see the kids go. I was sad thinking about the colleagues I wouldn't see everyday. At the same time I felt sweet relief that I would not have to live at my mom's any more during the week. I felt happiness knowing I would get to spend each day with my beautiful daughter. I felt up and I felt down.

Deciding to become a SAHM is not an easy decision. I will actually need to be more of a WAHM- but I haven't quite figured out the working part yet. I see why so many moms are torn about the decision. As a teacher I was somewhat defined my accomplishments. I experienced joy as I witnessed students learning to read and write. I was emblazoned by positive observations and invigorated by new teaching techniques and ideas. I am saying good bye to all of that for now to do the greatest work of all- raise my daughter.

Like I said. It was a day of ups and downs for me. I had to pack the last of my teaching things into the car and bring them to my mom's. Then I had to unload them so I could load everything I needed to take home with me. I was hot, tired, and emotional. I think the packing process in itself was stressing me out. It all seemed so real when I saw my teaching stuff heaped into a big disorganized pile. I basically threw it all together and hauled it on out of the school telling myself I would sit and go through it later. I am thinking that later might never come. The last thing I feel like doing right now is organizing old copies of Teacher's Helper and math manipulatives.

I am looking forward to the summer, but in the back of my head I wonder what I'll be feeling when September rounds the corner. Will I experience a longing in my heart when the leaves start to change colors and apples adorn the trees? Will part of me ache as I stroll past the school yard and hear the sound of children laughing? I want more than anything to stay home with my baby girl. I also would love to continue teaching. I know there is no right answer. There is only the best answer for me at this time and that is to put teaching off for a few years and enjoy the fleeting years of Eliza's childhood.

This is the official start of summer for me and I would like to wish everyone a healthy and happy summer!

10 comments:

Erin said...

my goodness u had a long school year!
i am sure u will love being a SAHM/WAHM. it is so awesome. i treasure every moment i have with my guy. u won't regret it.

H.E.Eigler said...

you're blessed to be able to have the choice. It seems you are going home as I am going to work (after being home for a year). Once you get used to filling your day, you'll be glad you left the school behind for awhile.

Momma On The Go said...

It is an extremely hard choice to make but you did what was right for your family. You'll miss teaching, I know I still do but Eliza will benenfit in the end. Happy summer!

PletcherFamily said...

I know it is a hard decision to make. After working as a nurse for 11 years, three kids in daycare was too expensive, so I became a SAHM in January. There are days I wish I was at work, and days I am glad I am not! You will enjoy it and your Eliza will be happy you are there while she grows.

Lori said...

I know it was a hard decision and I won't say there won't be times when you question your choice, but trust me the love and time you get to give and share with Eliza will totally outweigh the loss you feel for teaching

Jen said...

I know what you mean. I left the classroom after 4 years to take an office job at a nonprofit. I still work in education and every once in awhile I still go to schools and work with teachers. But sometimes I do miss teaching, especially in September when new school supplies are out and kids have new backpacks and back to school clothes on. I think once a teacher, always a teacher, even if you're not in the classroom. What you said is right on - all you can do is what is right for you right now. Have a great summer!

Christy said...

I understand your sadness, but you can teach in a few year. Eliza needs you now. You're an awesome mama, and I hope this summer is fabulous!

Dana said...

Congrats on being done!! I am so happy for you guys!! Enjoy being with Eliza and love every minute of it!

Pam said...

I hope you have a fabulous summer and enjoy every minute of it. Maybe you can look into being a teacher for an online school. Then you can still teach and be home with E. Of course, I thought about doing that and couldn't figure the process out so hopefully you do better then I did.

I understand the emotions of leaving. When I packed up my room and walked out on the last day, I walked to my car- took one last look at a building I would never step into. I took a deep breath and got in my car. Moving forward is hard. I wish I was moving forward to being a SAHM like you and not just a new district. But at least I am moving in the direction that allows me greater opportunities for my children.

I'm glad you survived it all. If you ever get through those boxes of things and find anything you don't want- my teacher closet is a welcoming home for lost math manipulatives ;)

Have a GREAT summer!!

CC said...

I didn't know you made this choice! Other teacher friends of mine who made this decision thought that September would be hard, but really they totally forgot it was the beginning of the year until it was almost October!