I am digging deep lately for my breastfeeding superpowers. Although we seemed to have a good start we have run into some trouble with supply, letdown, latch- I don't even know anymore. I have read article after article, watched videos and tried and tried again. It seems that once again breastfeeding will try to break me.
My husbands asks how I can give birth with no drugs and be so easily torn apart by breastfeeding. I have no idea. Maybe because with breastfeeding if you feel like it isn't going well you feel like a failure over and over again twelve times a day or more. It is frustrating to try your hardest at something and not feel like it is going well. I haven't ever tried so hard at something in my life and failed. and I did fail with Eliza. I just couldn't do it anymore.
I did pump for four months and bottle fed her breast milk but that isn't really an option this time around with a toddler to watch as well.
Jude has his check-up this morning and I am sure he gaining weight. However, I know we are having issues regardless. I am his mother and I KNOW when things aren't going well regardless of what the number is on the scale. Eliza gained weight at first too-I have a LOT of milk in the beginning-probably too much and so he will have gained weight even with a bad latch and poor drinking.
So I am digging deep for strength. Here I am in my Mommy Necklace. It is a breastfeeding necklace I won at Dirty Diaper Laundry blog. I put it on to remind myself of my long term goals-to stay focused and not give up even when things are tough and I am tired and frustrated. I am supposed to see someone today-not an LC- but hopefully someone who can help a little. Although I am a little concerned that not all advice is good advice.
