The dynamics of it all

Last night I was in bed awake thinking about these tantrums. Yesterday night E had one where she repeatedly started banging her face (with a open mouth) into the floor. This isn't the first time this is happened but it was the first time Pete saw. It is very upsetting to see and scary as well because I do not want her to hurt herself. I am hoping this is normal and not a symptom of something worse. After I went to bed I started thinking about the dynamic that causes the tantrums. I started to think about my own behavior and if it is effecting E's behavior. Although I am often right there with her I have to admit that I am sometimes not as present mentally as I could be. My mind might be off thinking about dinner or who knows what. I think if I really pay better attention to her I might be able to prevent a lot of the tantrums.

I know many people recommend ignoring tantrums but I do strongly feel there are two different types of tantrums. I think some are tools of manipulation and others are out of frustration. If Eliza gets frustrated because she is unable to accomplish something then I think what she needs is empathy. I will help her successfully accomplish the task by providing support and encourage her to communicate to me through whatever means possible. On the other hand if I feel she is trying to manipulate me I will ignore her unless I feel she will hurt herself by banging her face into the floor or who knows what else is to come!. I don't believe that holding therapy, or what I like to think of as a tight hug, is giving in to E. At that point I feel like she has lost control and I am merely helping her get in control- not giving in to what she wants.

Eliza is and always has been sensitive to her environment and stimulation.I strongly believe in attachment parenting and will try to respond to Eliza with sensitivity at all times. I am going to pay much better attention as to why she is throwing a fit in the first place. This morning she got upset because I wouldn't let her touch a picture on the wall. She didn't cry but she did throw back her head and arched her back so I moved her from the couch onto the floor (a safer place) where she proceeded to hit her face into the carpet a few times. I didn't react at all and she stopped after three times and moved on to something else. In this case I think she wanted me to let her touch the picture but that just wasn't going to happen.

Thanks for all your kind words and support. It really help to hear what other moms are doing and I know Pete and I will figure out what works for us as a family.

NO! I don't want to, I don't want to!

Lately E had been pitching a fit about everything! She arches her back and goes all limp. This is usually followed by the screaming cry she normally does when she crashes her head into something. It is complete with the breath holding followed by the huge breathe and then a long loud wail. I feel so bad for her when she tantrums because I know she is frustrated about something. As you know from my Note Me Mondays I have been known to throw a tantrum myself now and again. I guess like mother like daughter.

Yesterday we were coming home from the mall and she didn't want to go in the house. As soon as I got her over the threshold she arched her back and crumpled to the ground. I tried to hug her and make her feel better because I knew she was frustrated. She clearly doesn't get that we can't spend the whole night at the neighbors or playing in the hallway. As a teacher I would ignore tantrums most of the time and sometimes depending on why E is tantrums I do ignore. However, the kids I taught were older and could communicate their needs if necessary. E is only 13months and knows just a couple kinda words and a handful of signs. Most of the time I try to distract her with something fun, try to get her up and moving an engaged in something else or I just hug her until she calms down. Most often the tantrum comes and goes in minutes. It is no wonder one of her favorite songs is Tantrum!




This is really new mommy territory for me.
and all I have to say is ...

No - I don't want to, I don't want to.
No - I don't want to , no, no.
No - I don't want to, I don't want to.
No, no, no, I don't want to. Oh no.
Leave me...alone.

Happy 11 Month Birthday!

Happy 11 months to Eliza Marie!



I feel like I haven't posted anything with content in quite a while. That would actually require me to sit down and use my brain- and who has time for that these days. I guess things have been pretty smooth with E so I haven't felt a need to vent-which is always a good thing.

The only real problem we have had is with temper tantrums. I didn't realize that babies started showing a temper this early but I was WRONG! Eliza is as strong willed as ever and if she doesn't get what she wants she lets me know. If I am holding her she throws her head back straightens her legs and lets out a wail. If she is on the ground she might throw herself face first into the carpet. I have noticed she was much more irritable when her two teeth were coming in. Now that they broke through the skin she is much more mild mannered. Also, she gets upset when she has to get out of the tub. So now I make a big deal about singing the clean up song And putting her toys away so we don't blindside her that bath time is over.

I was wondering if anyone had any tips on activities I could do with her during the day. I need to fill the 12 odd hours I spend with her ALONE each day. What do you do with your little ones?

In bigger news...

We are trying for a second bundle of joy. I glanced at the Shettles method because I figured it might be fun to try for a boy. Who knows how long it will take. When we first started trying in 2006 it was a little tough. I had a very early miscarriage on Thanksgiving. Luckily, we got pregnant with E the very next time we gave it a go. I am trying to be very blase about it this time and not get as crazed as I did with E!

Also...

We met baby Stella this weekend. She is asleep in her comfy Sleepywrap from Heavenly Hold!