Friday, October 16, 2009

The OB Check-Up.

I had my OB check up today. She prescribed Zoloft for me. She said I could take it or throw it away- it was up to me. I am not thrilled with the idea of taking meds, but I know I am struggling a bit and it might help me get through the worst of these feelings. If I am no good- then I am no good to my kids.


I felt a lot like this after I had Eliza but I started feeling better at around 6 weeks. I anticipated it happening again but was hoping for the best. I had some good days this week and some bad days. I think overall I am doing better- but I am still struggling. The worrying and anxiety is just overwhelming at times. I hate that I am not one of those mushy "I love my being a mommy all the time" moms. I love and adore my kids but the truth is that sometimes being a mom is exhausting and overwhelming. I know that eventually I will feel myself again. Until then I just need to work on taking care of myself so I can take care of the kids.

11 comments:

Lori: Teacher Turned Mommy said...

being a mom is HARD! anyone who says it isn't needs a reality check. we want to do what is best for our kiddos, but at times we have to step back and remember that we have to do things that are good for ourselves too. hope you find a balance soon

Pam said...

being a mom is the hardest job ever- and it is okay that sometimes you don't like it. It doesn't mean you don't love your kid- it just means that like most of us- you need a break from the constant demands of being mom. I think that if you need the zoloft to help you so you can take good care of your kids- then don't worry about it. Like you said, you are not good to them if you are not able to care for them. I know you will make the decision that is best for you. I wish I lived closer so we could support one another- I'm well into being a mom and still find it exhausting and defeating most days. I am thinking of you!!

Christy said...

Those other mothers are liars. Everyone feels overwhelmed with motherhood. EVERYONE. Some people are just better liars than others.

Sheri said...

Good for you for seeking help. That takes a lot of courage. And if you come across mom's saying that this is all easy, they are lying, point blank. I have come across blogs that are all fluff and well, I just don't read those because they are not good for my mental health.
Being a mom is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I will be praying for you. You are doing a great job.

Amber said...

I would take the meds and make no excuses! You're absolutely right about being right for your kids and transitioning to two is really difficult. I still find myself sounding "mean" to Kaelin a large part of the day b/c she isn't doing something quickly enough for me, etc. I don't want to constantly be on her and I pray for patience and calmness daily!

Funky Food Trisha said...

Do not underestimate how hard adding the second baby into the mix is! You take care of yourself and by doing so will be taking care of your babies. I made it through the "baby blues" with my first--no problem. But with the second, there were no nap breaks to catch my breath, or moments of quiet since the little one couldn't talk yet. Instead it was 24/7 "Mommy!". I got my prescription at L's 3 month bday and kept it filled and consumed until well after his 2nd bday. It's okay!

Marcy said...

I agree with the others-- anyone who says they love every minute of being a mom is either superhuman, or is making some HUGE omissions. I read a quote once that I LOVED that went "I love being a mom... I just hate doing it." A LOT of motherhood just plain sucks, especially at the beginning. The whole first year KICKED MY ASS which is why I feel I need such a long break before wanting to have another. This is, hands-down, the hardest thing I have ever done-- and I only have one.

Taking meds is IN NO WAY A SIGN OF FAILURE ON YOUR PART. I hope you know that. It is NOT any sort of a mark of weakness, inability, or bad mothering. It just is what it is-- some of us need more help than others, and needing that help is not a bad thing.

I hope you start feeling better, with the help or no. It won't always feel this way-- remember that. I'm thinking of you and keeping you in my heart.

Missy said...

Ditto to what everyone else has said... here's to hoping you find a healthy balance, even on the worst of mommy days!

Katrina said...

Hi Danielle -

I stumbled upon your blog recently, and I have been overwhelmed by the similarities that we share. It's almost scary how much we have in common...especially when I read your post today. I have been feeling exactly like this recently. My oldest is 22 months, and youngest is 4 months. I have a history of depression, but haven't really felt that way for about 5 years...the past couple of weeks I have felt myself slipping into darker moods and it has me worried. I am so glad that you are writing about this - it is comforting for me to read about someone else who is going through it, too. So, thank you for your honesty and openness. I also agree that those moms that say they "love being a mommy all the time" have to be lying. It is sooo hard. I feel so alone, and like I have no time to recharge my spirit. It really takes its toll. My oldest just stopped taking naps about a week ago, and I think that is what has put me over the edge. No break AT ALL. I can't believe how much nap time kept me sane!! Anyway, I just wanted to say hi, and to thank you for sharing your feelings...I hope you start feeling better soon...

bianca said...

Hey! You've gotten some great advice so far so I'll try not to repeat. Just wanted to let u know that I had an internal battle with myself for MONTHS (and u know how hard getting through each and every day can be) about taking meds because I was not willing to give up breastfeeding. I also never took medication for anything in the past, so I will admit that I felt it was a sign of weakness. However, coming back to work really did a number on me and when things started getting out of control, I felt I had no choice. I HATED that my first waking thought was "I can't wait for this day to end so I can be back in my bed." That is no way to live and it was so unhealthy for me and my family. I didn't want to project those feelings onto my baby or be a burden on my husband.
So my ob prescribed a very low dose of Zoloft and I started to take it. Not sure if urs mentioned it or whether or not ur taking it, but just wanted to point out that it will take at least 2-3 weeks to build up in your system before you start noticing the effects. Just wanted to make sure you didn't expect a miracle after taking it once. I was only on them for about 2 months and then discontinued use becuase I didn't feel like they were helping "enough" to justify its use and was unwilling to up the dose.
I also started seeing a therapist and that helped some. But, overall, I just worked really hard at trying to fight the negative thoughts and have faith that things would work out. Also, I tried to "visualize" myself having overcome this ordeal and being proud of having dealt with it "successfully"... I guess that's what life's all about.
My baby's a little over one now and I have to say I didn't start feeling better until about a month or two ago. But those were the roughest and scariest 6 months of my entire life. Things still aren't perfect, but I am in a much better place now. Sorry so long, but just want you to know that you're definitely not alone and you can get through this! Try to just ENJOY THE RIDE!!!

mmgood said...

thank you so much for this post. i am a new mom of a 5 week old, and despite my best efforts and intentions, i am struggling with PPD, and have felt terribly guilty for not being a mushy mom. your few little words just gave me a lot of sanity for the day. thank you.