The trials of mommyhood

I caved. In a moment of weakness I grabbed a copy of Sleeping Through the Night off the shelf at my local library. I hastily flipped through pages looking for answers as to why my daughter is such a handful when it comes to sleep. Did I mention her new thing is looking into my pleading eyes, smirking, pulling the Binky out of her mouth and flinging it across the room. Sometimes nap time is a battle of who cries first. I usually lose. I just want the poor thing to sleep. As I frantically turned pages, Eliza stood, twisting in her umbrella stroller intermittently yanking books off of the shelf and straining to catch a glimpse of some other kids playing with a nearby dollhouse. MMM Did they have a book on behavior in public?

I didn't intend to peruse the parenting section of the library. However, it was calling to me and my eager eyes could not avoid scanning for titles even though I promised myself I would STOP reading about how to be a good parent and focus on responding to Eliza's needs. I checked out the book. I was weak and confused. I felt good about the book for the whole five minute ride home. Nap time was upon us and with no time to read the book, I held it close to E as we walked up the stairs hoping the sleepy vibes would jump to her through osmosis.

I cried first! I think just having that darned book in my house made me more frustrated than usual. Instead of just going with the flow, as Eliza fought me like a fish out of water, I went into full on Danielle panic mode. This involved calling my husband at work. Never a good idea. I started rattling off jargon like self-soothing, bed times routines, structure, earlier bedtimes, vacation, sleep training, etc, etc, etc. My husband's response to me was that Eliza would most likely end up an only child. This did NOT help my crying as I abruptly ended the call. I retrieved E from her crib and planned to try again with the nap a little later. Remarkably, my frustration eased and I realized why I originally decided to STOP reading books on parenting. I was frustrated because I wanted Eliza to nap. Eliza didn't want to nap and I obviously am not a magician who can put someone to sleep. If anyone knows a sleep spell please e-mail me. Thank you!

I have a nasty habit of letting what other people say get in my brain. My mom and dad telling me I trained Eliza to be a poor napper/sleeper. WRONG! Other moms telling me how their babies take several 2 hour naps a day and sleep all night long. Frankly, it makes me want to poke out my own eyes with dull cuticle scissors. I know every child is different. E is just the kind of different that doesn't like to sleep. I hate to sleep during the day so I know how she feels. The truth is I am very happy co-sleeping with E. I think it has many, many positives that outweigh the negatives. I do struggle with the day time naps but we get through most of the time. A car ride here, a stroller ride there, and a battle of the wills on occasion. I guess it all evens out. I remind myself that she won't die from not napping. She will be a little cranky. And so will I!

I knew it was a mistake to get a book about sleep training. It just isn't for me. I strongly believe that as a parent you have to do what feels right. Listening to Eliza cry never feels right to me. Listening to others tell me Eliza needs to cry it out doesn't feel right to me. The answer is not in a book. It is in me. Even if she is just crying because she misses me- who the heck cares. She is 10 months old and wants her mommy. I am 28 years old and sometimes I want my mommy too. sniff sniff

"After all, tomorrow is another day!"

Scent of Oatmeal

Oatmeal. I smelled oatmeal as I gently snuggled my face into the smooth folds of her neck, careful not to wake her from her golden slumber. I spent quite a while holding E during a nap today. I had my nose stuck so far into a Wife in the North that the time whizzed by- but every so often I would take the time to drink in my daughters lovely oatmeal fragrance- warm and soothing in every possible way.

Sleepy Time Princess

I am beginning to think that my little E is turning into a sleepy time princess. Lately she has been boycotting naps. She thinks two half hour naps in the crib are enough to recharge her tiny body. However, I usually end up holding her so she will sleep longer. When I hold her she will sleep and hour to an hour and a half. If I put her down she wakes up. When I pick her back up she drifts right to sleep. Spoiled much? I am really torn about doing this. I adore her and love to cuddle her sleepy body, but I don’t always have the time to sit there and gaze at her sleeping face. I know I should savor the time. She probably won’t be an only child forever and I will never again have the one-on-one time with her that I have now. On the other hand, am I creating a sleeping monster? I just can’t deal with a crabby baby. I want her to get a good nap so I hold her. My husband is equally, if not more, guilty of this offense. She is a total daddy’s girl.

The trouble does not end with naps. She has recently started waking around 2 a.m. to get in bed with us. I don’t mind this so much as we have co-slept on and off since she was four months old. However, I was alone the other night and it is just not safe with just she and I in the bed. Pete will be alone with her Saturday night because I will be at a bachelorette party in Atlantic City. I am worried that she will wake and he will have to bring her into bed to get her to sleep.

I know she a getting spoiled but I really see no other options. I am NOT a CIO type of mommy. However, I am worried I am creating a spoiled little princess.

Getting Eliza to sleep and stay asleep has been a journey for us as new parents. I wrote about it here but never put it up as a post because it was sooooo lengthy and I originally planned on some revisions. I guess it is really more for me. If you choose to read it I warn you that it is tediously long.

So am I creating a sleep monster?

A Lesson learned...the hard way

Sorry in advance for my mixed up tenses and spelling errors.


So last night Pete and I learned a lesson. We learned it is best to have Eliza home before it is time for her to go to bed. We learned it is not a good idea for Eliza to sleep 1 1/2 hrs in the car right before her bed time. I guess sometimes you have to learn things the hard way.

I spent a lovely afternoon with Dana and her mom. We went to have our bridesmaid dresses fitted and then went back to to Dana's mom's place for a delicious Vegan dinner. Her mom is an amazing cook. Eliza behaved like a perfect angel. She was too adorable laughing at Dana's dog Belle. Like I said, it was an extremely enjoyable time.

We left around 7 ish. Normally Eliza goes to bed between 7 and 8. I was misguidedly thought she would fall asleep in the car, and I would ever so gracefully move her to her crib. After that I imagined I would spend the remainder of the evening relaxing with my feet up. Well, we hit traffic straight away. Welcome to New jersey. Welcome to 287 and 78! I have %$#@ had it with the traffic in this state. I digress- moving along with my story. While stuck in traffic I decide to place my hand on Eliza's head to check her. I am neurotic- I know. Bad idea! I think she feels warm and start to worry that she is feverish. I of course call Pete to tell him this, even though he is also stuck in the same traffic and can't do a darn thing for me. So now I am getting anxious as I see my plans of relaxing drift away. The baby might have a fever, I am stuck in traffic, and the husband is stuck in traffic. SUPER! It ends up taking us about a half hour longer to get home than I planned. As we pull into the parking lot I look at Eliza in the mirror and see her bright eyed and bushy tailed.

I call Pete to see where he is and he says he is on the road leading to our house. Eliza still felt a little warm to me (it could have been the hot car or my 85 degree house) and I wanted his help taking her temperature. I am not a fan of a squirmy child and a rectal thermometer. It all could go very, very wrong. Alas, Pete needed to go get himself 5 hot dogs and a milkshake for dinner so Eliza and I would have to wait. This gets me annoyed. In my mind 10 minutes seems like an hour. So I fly into super bitch mode- stomping around the house and taking Eliza's temperature anyway- just so I can tell Pete I did it without him when he walks in smelling like stinky hot dogs. Did I forget to mention Aunt Flo is in town.

Eliza of course did not have temperature. In my mind I decide I can whisk her upstairs and put her to sleep without a hitch. I try putting her down, but her little head kept getting stuck to my sweaty arm. After a few minutes I become aware that Pete has opened the door and is watching me try to soothe Fussy Eliza to sleep. I pass her off to him and probably grumble something mean under my breathe about having to wait and head downstairs.

A this point I see Pete's uneaten dogs and his ginormous milkshake sitting on the counter. I try to be nice and put the shake in the freezer. One time Pete got upset that I did not put his Ruby's To Go box in the oven to keep it warm, (I actually don't think this keeps it warm but don't tell my husband that) so this time I was being proactive. I proceeded to blog straighten up and wash dishes.

I realize Pete has been upstairs for a while so I go to check on them. He says that Eliza won't stay down. Every time he got her to sleep and put her down she would sit up and start crying. He had tried at least five times. He handed her to me and went to eat his hot dogs. Here is where I was just mean. I said, "I am not going to sit here and hold her all night. I have had her all day!" This was mean and I was being very selfish. Pete ignored me of course and went to eat his hot dogs. OK, maybe he offered to take her back and I told him to just go eat his dinner. I got her to sleep and tried to put her down. I woke her up as I tried to put up the side of the crib. DAMN! I ran with her into our bedroom and tried to put her to sleep on our bed. NO DEAL! In my frustrated state I loudly yelled, "Pete, I NEED HELP!" He came upstairs grumbling at me under his breath about forcing down his hot dogs and some other not nice things about me- yada, yada, yada. He took her from me and ended up finally getting her to sleep in the crib. I relaxed in bed and watched CSI.

After she was asleep we were both calm and relaxed. I apologized for being mean and selfish. I can really be a meanie in the evening. The stress from the day builds up in me and I sometimes take it out on Pete. Sorry babe! We discussed how we should probably try to have her home before bed time because that car nap was NO GOOD for bed time!

LESSON LEARNED!

I am not sure if the lesson here is- Mommy is a bitch at night or Eliza needs to be home earlier. Either way- lesson learned. ;)

Napping & Babies

I know a lot of us have been talking about slowing down to appreciate the small things in life. I think slowing down is also really important in the first few months of a baby's life. I stumbled upon this article concerning naps and wanted to share the wealth. This article discusses Dr. Polly Moore's new book,

"The 90-minute Baby Sleep program:Follow Your Child's Natural Sleep Rhythms for Better Nights and Naps"

Dr. Moore goes into 90 minute sleep/alert cycles and the importance of protecting the sleep of our babies.

Eliza took a lot of naps when she was little- and still does. She always went down about 1 1/2 - 2 hrs after waking. I knew she was getting cranky and saw no point in keeping her up. The more tired she became the less she slept- during the day and at night. I think it is a shame when new parents keep up a busy schedule even with a new baby. On Christmas Day, I think my relatives thought the hubs and I were a little nutty when we strictly adhered to her nap schedule. We really believed in her need for sleep. I did not want an overstimulated baby. Eliza is easily stimulated to begin with- without the hustle and bustle of a crowded party.

I really believe babies need scheduled sleep in those early days. This is one reason I did not want her in day care- I would lose control of her sleep. In these early months babies do so much growing and they need to recharge. I agree 100% with this article. We do need to stop worrying about our busy schedules and protect the sleep of our babies.