Visit with Lactation Consultant

Yesterday Jude and I visited a lactation consultant. She helped me latch him on and weighed him before and after he fed. He took in 1.9 oz from one side-not too shabby. She checked his tongue and said he is tongue tied- it is mild but tied nonetheless. We are bringing him on Thursday to have his tongue released. Hopefully this will help him nurse more efficiently.

The lactation consultant we saw was terrific. Her views coincided with my own views of natural parenting. Her shop carries slings, wraps and other mom recommended items like teething bling! Most importantly, she also openly promotes co sleeping and bed sharing. If you are in New Jersey and need a great LC you should consider seeing Maria at Postpartum Place in Chatham. It was a bit of a drive for me but important for me to see someone who understands and agrees with my parenting choices. She will definitely put your mind and ease and help you out. She called me today to see how we were doing and we are going to stop in and visit after the procedure on Thursday.

My friend Rose is the one who told me about Maria and suggested I see her for help. She saw Maria when she has some issues with breastfeeding her daughter Alessia. Rose has been a great inspiration to me in regards to breastfeeding. I give her so much credit for pumping at work (as a teacher who REALLY needs prep time!) in order to keep breastfeeding her daughter after returning to work. She has been a huge help to me in the past two weeks (and even before that). She met me at the consultant yesterday and took Eliza to the park so that Pete and I could concentrate on Maria. So I just want to say thanks Rose! You rock!

I also want to thank everyone who has provided me with advice, support and encouragement. It really means a lot to me and it is greatly appreciated!

Hanging Out!

Need Some Superpowers

I am digging deep lately for my breastfeeding superpowers. Although we seemed to have a good start we have run into some trouble with supply, letdown, latch- I don't even know anymore. I have read article after article, watched videos and tried and tried again. It seems that once again breastfeeding will try to break me.

My husbands asks how I can give birth with no drugs and be so easily torn apart by breastfeeding. I have no idea. Maybe because with breastfeeding if you feel like it isn't going well you feel like a failure over and over again twelve times a day or more. It is frustrating to try your hardest at something and not feel like it is going well. I haven't ever tried so hard at something in my life and failed. and I did fail with Eliza. I just couldn't do it anymore.
I did pump for four months and bottle fed her breast milk but that isn't really an option this time around with a toddler to watch as well.

Jude has his check-up this morning and I am sure he gaining weight. However, I know we are having issues regardless. I am his mother and I KNOW when things aren't going well regardless of what the number is on the scale. Eliza gained weight at first too-I have a LOT of milk in the beginning-probably too much and so he will have gained weight even with a bad latch and poor drinking.

So I am digging deep for strength. Here I am in my Mommy Necklace. It is a breastfeeding necklace I won at Dirty Diaper Laundry blog. I put it on to remind myself of my long term goals-to stay focused and not give up even when things are tough and I am tired and frustrated. I am supposed to see someone today-not an LC- but hopefully someone who can help a little. Although I am a little concerned that not all advice is good advice.

First Week Home Recap!

I can't believe Jude is already 1 week old! It has been a very good week- an adjustment for everyone but good overall. We have had lost of help from friends and family which has made the transition much smoother. I don't think I am ready to go at it with two kids alone yet-which is why I will be staying at my mom's next week.

My husband has been unexpectedly called back into work next week cutting his leave short by a week. I guess it is expected considering they called him to see when he was coming back the day my son was born even though he made it clear that he would be gone for three weeks. I REALLY appreciate that phone call. I am pretty infuriated by the entire situation. I LOVE corporate America.

OK- vent over- moving on...

The day we came home we were slightly overwhelmed. Pete brought Eliza to the hospital to meet Jude before we checked out. In retrospect this was NOT a good idea. We hadn't had Eliza at the hospital at all because of her croup. We were playing it safe. Eliza is deathly afraid of doctors and nurses. She didn't handle being at the hospital very well which made checking out rather hectic. We arrived home at lunch and were scrambling to get E fed- in the meantime I realized we had no Motrin and I was in pain. It took a bit of time, but things finally settled down.

Sleep has been a big issue for me this past week. I am not sure what was going on but I could NOT sleep at all in the hospital or most of our first week home. I had heart palpitations pretty much every time I tried to relax. I felt like my whole body was buzzing. I think at one point my lips went numb. I listened to music, tried to do some deep breathing, read-nothing seemed to be working. I kinda started to freak out and get anxious. It is a vicious cycle. Anxiety causes lack of sleep- lack of sleep causes anxiety. I kinda lost it on Saturday night and had a meltdown. That night I had a dream I was spinning out of control and asking Pete for help but he didn't seem to notice me. Talk about an anxiety dream! The following day my parents were here for a visit. That night I was finally able to settle and sleep with no problem. My heart stopped palpitating and I was no longer buzzing. Since then I have been a little anxious here and there but doing much better. I have suffered from both anxiety and depression on the past so I need to be very careful.

Breastfeeding is going OK. I have had some concerns that my let down is too forceful. At times I feel like Jude is choking. We are trying to work out the bumps and I have received a lot of advice. I am contacting an LC today- she is my childhood best friend's mother. Breast feeding is a touchy issue for me after my struggles with Eliza. A lot of my anxiety and stress is over breastfeeding and wanting to be successful. I am doing my best to stay positive.

I go back to the doctor to have my stitches checked on Thursday and Jude goes back for his visit on Friday. We have been so busy the days are flying. I really appreciate all of the positive comments! I hope you are all doing well and enjoying your summers!

I may be a little biased...

but he is such a cutie! more to come...

Welcome Home Jude!

Proud Big Sister Snug as a Bug!

Sweet Baby Jude

All this Sleeping Sure Makes Me Tired

Spending Time with Nana

AWE!

Pay No Attention to Disheveled New Mother!

Jude's Birth Story

I did it! I truly feel I took back the birth experience this time around. Everything about this labor and delivery (except for my battle scar 4th degree tear) went better than I could have imagined. Right before I was getting ready to push I actually suggested to Pete that I might be dreaming and I was scared I was going to wake up. It turns out I wasn't dreaming-but I ended up with one dreamy little boy!

When I woke up Monday morning I had an off feeling. I had a very dull backache and felt crampy in general. This had happened before so I figured it was probably nothing. I had some cramping and contractions on and off all morning but they subsided when I took a nap with E. After we woke up I squatted down to help E on the potty and felt a gush. I didn't think it was my water but wasn't sure so I called the doctor and of course she wanted me to go to labor and delivery for a check. I was very annoyed. I knew going in meant they might try to get me to stay. I had NO intentions of spending the day laboring in the hospital.

When I arrived at the hospital they hooked me up and then lectured me about not drinking enough water because I was contracting quite a bit. However, it wasn't anything regular so I wasn't concerned. They also told me that if my water had broke I would have to stay. When I asked why- they said because I had to have my baby. I responded that it was taco night and I planned on having tacos and not a baby. The doctor came and and instead of checking my water with the speculum and litmus test, she just bopped the baby around a few times, said he felt buoyant and there were no more gushes. Since my bag was still intact I was sent home smiling and ready to eat some tacos. I was 3cm dilated.

I went home and made some tacos. I was contracting a little more steadily but was thinking it might subside. I drank some of the laborade I had whipped up that morning. I wanted to stay hydrated just in case I went into labor.

At around eight o'clock I ate three yummalicious tacos. I was having contractions about every five minutes. I was tired and figured the contractions would stop when I went to sleep so I went to try and get some rest. I soon realized that the contractions were probably not stopping and that I was most likely going to have a baby soon. I had Pete time a few contractions just to see how far apart they were and how long they were in duration. They were averaging 5-6 minutes apart and were about 45 seconds long from the start to the peak. I decided to try and get some rest and see how things progressed before calling the doctor.

The contractions grew more intense over the next few hours. I tried to get some rest, took two showers, listened to my hypnobirthing CD, scrubbed down the kitchen, went on the computer, and did some belly dancing to pass the time. The contraction were still about 3-4minutes apart and only about 45 seconds long. I was expecting them to be close to 60 seconds long by this time and felt like I was puttering. I was getting very tired and worried at this point. At about one thirty I woke Peter up to help me out. I told him to call his mom to come over and stay with Eliza. I called the doctor at 2 a.m. and told her my stats. She said it was up to me when I wanted to come to the hospital. She said don't deliver in the car and if I come in before six go through E.R. At around 2:30 Pete and I decided to take a walk around my development to get things moving. It was a beautiful night outside. We walked around the development once, stopping when I had a contraction so that I could lean on Pete for support. We then decided to head toward the hospital and maybe walk around the town surrounding the hospital for a bit. Since the hospital is a 30 minute drive we figured it would be better to be close just in case.

At this point I really had no idea how many cm I was dilated. I was expecting the contractions to be coming much closer. I was in a great deal of discomfort-but was using my past experience with pitocin induced contractions as a reference point. As we packed the car to go to the hospital I realized that I was losing my sense of humor and starting to feel very serious. In my Bradley book i had read to watch out for different emotional sign posts and knew i was probably farther than i realized. We decided to head straight to the hospital. I was estimating that I was dilated about 5cm. and was hoping to spend some time in the tub.

After what was probably the most uncomfortable car ride ever-we arrived at the hospital around 4. They receptionists said I didn't look like I was really in the thick of it yet. As I sat in the wheel chair my legs and hands starting to shake and I though my tacos were going to end up everywhere. I told Pete that i was so exhausted I didn't know if I could go natural. I didn't think I had any more energy left. This doubt is a common emotional sign post for laboring women as well although i didn't recognize it at the time. Pete suggested we wait and see how many cm I was dilated before making any decisions. They hooked me up to the monitor, I told them my pain scale rating was a five (I was delirious) and the doctor did an internal exam.

He told me I was 8cm dilated and my exact reaction was, "Shut Up!" I couldn't believe I was already 8 cm. I knew at that point that I had to go natural. They asked about an epidural and I said, nope! They wheeled me to the delivery room.

The doctor asked if I wanted my menbrane ruptured. I was hesitant but exhausted so I said OK. When she went to break my water I was 10cm and almost ready to push. What? Shut up again.

I really felt like I was in a dream. I couldn't believe I was ready to push. Everyone was pretty amped that I was not getting any drugs. I think I was the only mom giving birth at the time and had lots of support.

I pushed for forty minutes. It was so incredibly different than pushing with an epidural. The best was I can describe the experience is painful but amazing. I actually experienced everything. i felt his passage and it was awesome. I doubted myself quite a bit and at times had to struggle to find strength. I focused on Eliza and all the moms and moms to be that I know- the ones that inspired me and the ones that I hoped to inspire.

Jude was born at 5:49 a.m.. I just couldn't believe I had a boy. I was so sure it was a girl. I was exhausted but elated. The labor was truly an awesome experience. The only sore spot- ahem- is that I tore badly. I have a fourth degree tear that think it could have been prevented but I am not going to dwell on it when everything else went so beautifully.

So that is the story of how my little Jude made his way into the world and how I learned the true capabilities of my body and my mind.

Happy Birthday to You!

Jude Miller
August 18, 2009
5:49 a.m.
7 lbs 1oz
19 1/2 inches

Proud Mommy!

Birth story to come...

Ready as I'll Ever Be!

I am now 10 days away from my due date. Eliza was born 13 days early and it seems baby #2 is not in so much of a rush to meet his/her family! I have to say this baby seems awfully snug at the moment.

Eliza came down with Croup this past week and I am very happy that I wasn't in the hospital when it happened. I am anxious enough about being away from her for a few days. If she was sick and I had to leave her I would probably be a wreck. Luckily, we were able to catch the croup early and get her meds before it became serious. I can't even imagine trying to give Eliza breathing treatments. Her cough is doing better and hopefully she will be 100% in a few days.

So...are we ready for baby?

Cute Newborn Dipes- Check

Does it get any cuter? Kissaluvs Cloth Diaper Size 0

Bassinet Downstairs- Check!

Suitcase packed /w/ adorable picture of Eliza- Check!


Co sleeper Upstairs- Check!
However, we do need to alter sheet. Instead of buying co-sleeper sheets I am using organic cotton king sized pillow cases. We still need to sew them and add some Velcro.



To Do

• Put clean car seat cover on and snap into base
• Fix co sleeper sheet
• Install infant car seat adaptor to BOB stroller
• GIVE BIRTH!

Pregnancy Belly Ring

I have been meaning to write up a quick post about my pregnancy piercing for weeks. I have kept my piercing open through both pregnancies. I did not want to remove my belly ring while pregnant with Eliza so I did some research and found Pregnancy Piercings to be a great alternative. I was able to keep my piercing open and clean and replace it with a traditional ring after giving birth. Pregnancy piercings are flexible rings made from medical grade plastic.

I have NOT received anything free from this company. I purchased piercings from Pregnancy Piercing for both of my pregnancies and have been pleased both times. I even brought flyers to my OB and they now advertise the piercings as well. I am just passing the info along in case anyone is interested or knows a momma-to-be who doesn't want to give up her belly ring.

You can also check Pregnancy Piercings out on Facebook.

Wordless Wednesday

Vote for Lola

Dana from Just Talk has entered Lola into a photo contest. Join in the fun and vote for Lola!

or you can click the link below and copy the code your self if the one above doesn't work... and remember you can vote EVERY day...

http://www.cutestdogcompetition.com/vote.cfm?h=1C42B2AD46D0455DD8BEEA1FDF29D9A8

Baby Name Blunder

Pete and I made a lil oops during the maternity photo shoot. In the last post I unveiled the possible name choices for the baby. It wasn't until last night that I realized that we had made an error! I was at a good friend's house where Pete was taking some cute maternity photos. We started talking about names and all of a sudden it dawned on me.

During the shoot I was laying down with my eyes closed while Pete was getting the blocks set up. We agreed on the names months and months ago but never spoke about the SPELLING! I just assumed we were in agreement over the spelling as well.

It hit me last night that Pete had spelled our girl choice ZOEY and not ZOE! I am very set on the ZOE spelling. UGH! If this baby comes before we can reshoot the pic, which is likely, the picture will always have the wrong spelling. So I either change the spelling of the name or don't get to use the photo.

Or we can just say oh well and hang it up wrong kinda like we do with this wedding photo that boasts the wrong wedding date! Yup! That's just the way we roll around here. Our read wedding date is the July 30th, 2005!

Only time will tell...

or

Belly Pic Comparison 37 Weeks!

Pregnant with Eliza @ 37 Weeks

Pregnant with Baby #2 @ 37 weeks

Pregnancy Update 36+ Weeks

I am nearing the finish line at 36+ weeks. I had my labor talk this past week at the OB. It wasn't much of a talk really because I have been asking questions here and there at each visit.

We did speak about the option of a Hep-Lock instead of an IV. This way the staff would have access to the vein, but the IV will be capped for later use instead of adding continuous fluid. She said that as long as everything is going smoothly it shouldn't be a problem. She did warn that they can become blocked more easily than an IV but I am not really all that concerned because I feel the freedom the Hep-Lock will provide outweighs the fact that it could get blocked.

I had an internal exam to check my progress. However, I know that none of the signs they check for really mean much as far as when labor will begin. My stats were exactly the same with this baby as with Eliza at 36 weeks. I am about 1-1/2cm dilated, 70%effaced and engaged -1. I am opting to NOT get an internal exam next week. I find it to be unnecessarily invasive. I also had some spotting this past week and I would rather avoid that if at all possible.

I have been very crampy and having lots of BH. I hope this baby stays put for a bit longer. As you can see it is a bit difficult to relax and take care of a toddler.

I am starting to get a wee bit nervous about everything- the labor and delivery, the breastfeeding, the being a mom of two kids! I know it will all fall into place in time but I am a worrier and although I am trying to relax and stay clam the nerves keep creeping up on me.